My Sunday School is made up entirely of children who have at least one parent who is a regular attender at our church. Some may only have one parent or a grandparent who brings them, but it is the rare time that a child comes to my programs by themselves. Even the guests that kids bring are often friends who go to another church.
It got me to thinking, "why are we in ministry to children trying to do what parents are capable of doing themselves?' Parents can teach and read bible stories, watch and discuss movies and videos with a message, and serve - all in the context of family.
During the week, howver, the majority of the children in my church go to public or secular private schools. On a day-to-day basis, they are surrounded by children, teachers and coaches from many cultures, faiths, family situations and neighborhoods. People whose worldview sometimes clashes dramatically with what they know to be God's way. They are learning to navigate the environment that is school (the second largest time period of their week), and yet the principals and guidelines they are being taught are not necessarily the ways of Christ.
What parents can't do is create a counter kid-culture that competes with the kid-culture at school. Parents can't - on an ongoing basis - provide large group games, worship time, and mission projects.
Kids need to learn how to navigate their social world with a place to practice the Christian values of love, forgiveness, teachability, humility, self control. etc. What Sunday School can offer is a more than a place where kids come to learn about God, but a place where kids can come and practice living out their faith with Christian friends in a learning and working environment. We can offer opportunities for kids to serve, worship and lead others in a context of a faith community of their peers.
For most people, the new year begins on January 1. For those of us in ministry or service to kids, the year begins in September. I associate the newness of the year with the crunch of leaves, school supplies and the new dynamics of my classrooms.
And summer is the time for dreaming and planning. As I approach this new year, I am looking to find clear spiritual pathways for growth, build bridges between generations, unite volunteers and align ministries.
So I'm thinking maybe this is my philosophy for Children's Ministry. Is there really any better way to have kids grow spiritually than having them develop an active, living dialog with Christ, each other and the world around them? It sounds an awful lot like what Jesus did with the 12 disciples vs. the book learning of the pharisees of his time.
But somehow, I'm just not convinced that this is the key to learning math, however.
Progressive Education - From Wikipedia -
Most progressive education programs have these qualities in common:
* Emphasis on learning by doing – hands-on projects, experiential learning * Integrated curriculum focused on thematic units * Strong emphasis on problem solving and critical thinking * Group work and development of social skills * Understanding and action as the goals of learning as opposed to rote knowledge * Collaborative and cooperative learning projects * Education for social responsibility and democracy * Integration of community service and service learning projects into the daily curriculum * Selection of subject content by looking forward to ask what skills will be needed in future society * De-emphasis on textbooks in favor of varied learning resources * Emphasis on life-long learning and social skills * Assessment by evaluation of child’s projects and productions
Here's how my year is going. Again our group is comprised of 4th through 8th graders. We have around 15 kids who rotate through serving, depending on their schedules. We rehearse/meet once a week and the kids lead a brief children's church service on Sunday mornings. The kids have also started rotating through the classrooms as helpers, and KWLS has become the umbrella for processing other kids/teens for serving in the classrooms.
Positives: 1. The KWLS kids have grown to appreciate their role in the church as leaders. They know they are valued and their opinions matter. 2. The kids and families are excited about the music and are using it in their homes. 3. I have fourth graders chomping at the bit to join this year. 4. Parents are supportive of the commitment to KWLS. 5. Partnership with the other leader has meant we've never had to cancel. 6. Possibilities for outreach have grown. 7. Younger kids are seeing KWLS as caring leaders in their community. 8. Continued desire to add more to what we are doing (new songs, skits, collections, etc). 9. Requests from the adult worship team to involve the kids.
Negatives: 1. Getting some complaints about some 'fairness' issues. 2. Focus has shifted somewhat from wanting to 'serve' - to wanting to do 'what I like.' 3. Having trouble maintaining interest from boys. 4. Burnout on rehearsals. 5. Difficulty with inconsistency in attendance. 6. Still struggling with how to attract older teens and kids who don't want to 'sing and dance.' 7. Still trying to balance performance and worship.
On Thursday, we hope to do a year-end review and tweak some of our procedures for the coming year. In September we will be including the next generation of KWLS by adding the upcoming 4th graders.I am praying that the kids will be open to expressing their opinions and respectful of those who disagree. I am praying that the kids will be able to see how much they have grown over the last year. I am praying that we devise an effective mentoring system for the younger kids coming into the group. I am praying for those who desire to step down to feel accepted and respected for doing so. We will close out the year by having a KWLS & family picnic in August.
This summer we are running the 10 lessons from an old VeggieTales VBS. For the past couple of Sundays, our pastor was out of town - first at a conference, then with family. While I would have had very little luck trying to line up our pre-written curriculum with his sermon, sometimes I try. This week, though, I couldn't even find the order of service. In fact, I'm not quite sure there was one. Unusual to say the least.
Our theme of the day in VeggieTown was 'being thankful for the gifts that God has given us.' We talked about how we could use our gifts to glorify and help God.
In the adult service, our pastor, Vincent, talked about how God had put him right next to a hurting, angry, teenaged boy on a plane and had used him to minister to the boy. While the boy and his father had no idea who Vincent was (or who he worked for), the boy pointed him out and the father made a point of thanking Vincent for the time he had spent with his son.
Interestingly, at group tonight, one of our group, Cheryl, gained insight into what she had never realized was a gift. The previous day she spent quite a bit of time at a BarBQ talking with a partially deaf woman, and thought nothing of it. Since it was within her comfort zone and she was having fun doing it, since she didn't have to give anything up to do it, and since didn't put her in any danger, she didn't realize that she was working for God. Later in the day, the deaf woman's mother came up to Cheryl and thanked her profusely for spending time with her daughter. This morning, during an illustration in the sermon, Cheryl came to the realization that sometimes God uses us through the gifts he has given us, and sometimes it comes quite easily.
We can't talk our strengths, skills or spiritual gifts too lightly, however, it doesn't have to always be painful or difficult to make an awesome impact for the kingdom.
So I've been looking at the benefits and barriers to what I've been calling "family life groups." My regular group consists of 4 adults and three children. This week, however, the group extended to include 2 teenagers. So we ranged in age from 5 years old to 51. For the first time, the kids opted to stay with us instead of bolting outside to run around, and the discussion turned to 'hearing God speak.'
While several of the adults and teens discussed their experiences with hearing from God, the kids continued to play with lego on the other side of the room, interjecting at will. When the older children were prompted to give their input, they didn't really have anything to say.
At first glance, my reaction would be to say that the kids didn't really get anything out of group tonight. We didn't elicit deep responses or teach them anything specific. And therein lies the barrier to family life groups and the place where faith comes in to the picture. We can't see God working in the hearts of those in a group who choose not to talk, those who we deem are 'too young' to understand the discussion.
In our group the children are like flies on the wall, seeing, hearing, feeling and occasionally participating in our discussions. Had they been relegated to another room in the house or sent outside to play with a babysitter, they would not have heard the adults and teens talking about the different ways God had spoken to them. They would not have seen teenagers - role models - discussing the place of faith in their lives. We would have hindered them from seeing the ways in which Christ works in people's lives.
Care to have some fun, keep your family communicating every night, and grow in your understanding of yourself and God? Try this simple five-step process for the next six weeks and see if it doesn’t help!
Here’s how you do it: Whoever is going to bed first in your home calls “FAITH 5” or “Huddle Up!” Everyone must drop what they’re doing, turn off the television, put down the newspaper or their homework, set the cell phone on silence and gather in a room of the convener’s choice. Then take turns going through these five simple steps:
1. SHARE highs & lows of the day
2. READ and highlight a verse of Scripture in your Bible
3. TALK about how the verse relates to your highs & lows
4. PRAY for your highs & lows, for your family, and for the world
5. BLESS one another
You want a great relationship with your kids? You want openness, honesty, caring and sharing in your family? You want to raise a child to be a strong, thoughtful, empathetic, positive, healthy adult out in the world some day? You can’t buy that. You have to invest in it. And the investment is the most expensive currency you own – your TIME – aimed at that most precious young person in your life.
Kids spell love TIME. Be intentional. Be consistent. Be caring. Be the parent. Every night. Every home.
No one else can do that for you.
Four Questions
1. For Parents of Young Children: What would it be worth to you to have a teenager some day who won’t go to sleep without talking to you about their day? Praying with you? Blessing you? Would it be worth five minutes? Tonight? Every night?
2. For Parents of Pre-Teens: What would happen to your family over time if you were able to keep this open, caring communication going every night throughout adolescence?
3. For Parents of Teenagers: Once the teen years begin and drivers’ licences come into play, communication between parents and teens can become a challenge. How might this type of five-minute conversation change a family if they were intentional and consistent about it? Would the benefits outweigh the hassle of trying to invest this time of care, listening, and prayer each night in your home? Why or why not?
4. For Church Leaders: What would happen to a family over time if they made an intentional point of doing the Faith 5 most every night? What would happen to your church five years from today if the majority of your households were doing active listening, scripture, faith talk, prayer, and blessings every night?
Well, let's just take a look at the young Jesus. At 12 he voluntarily ran off to talk to adults about God and scripture. This is a picture of a boy who has a role in the spiritual community. Despite a young person's naturally impulsive tendency (running off without telling his parents), he does not hesitate to get into a spiritual repartee with his elders. In fact, he feels called to do so.
How blessed we would be in our faith communities if our tweens and teens were seeking truth, had a working knowledge of God's word, were open to teach and be taught, willing to voice their opinion and found readily engaging in spiritual dialog with adults! Against this there can be no law!
This is what the LORD says: "I will return to Zion and dwell in Jerusalem. Then Jerusalem will be called the City of Truth, and the mountain of the LORD Almighty will be called the Holy Mountain."
This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Once again men and women of ripe old age will sit in the streets of Jerusalem, each with cane in hand because of his age. The city streets will be filled with boys and girls playing there."
Some great excerpts from the Building Church Leaders download:
- Scripture presents coming to know God as a family and community-based process.
- A relational community where the children were to grow up participating in the culture.
- Children were not just included, they were drawn in and assimilated into the whole community.
- For children to experience authentic Christian community, they must be present with the worshiping community.
- As children are assimilated with a deep sense of belonging into the body of Christ, they will make sense of their experiences with God. They will see their parents and others worship, pray with and for each other, minister to others, and be ministered to. They will come to see that all things in their lives are under God. They will be privy to the normal Christian life as lived by the significant adults in their lives. And they will come to know God better.
1. What opportunities do children have to engage withthe life of our church? 2. Why do we separate people by age group in our church? 3. How has focusing on age-specific ministries strengthened our church? How has it created challenge?
Here's a great SIMPLE idea for families. I know how complicated it is to gather everyone around the dinner table each night. Girl Scouts, board meetings, soccer practice, birthday parties, business dinners, parent/teacher conferences and on, and on, throughout your year.
But you can probably find 5-10 minutes a day (set a time) and gather everyone in your family around the table (kitchen, coffee or other gathering place). Bring your highs and lows of the day to each other and then to the Lord in prayer. Amazing how something this simple can be so effective.
Then choose one day a week that you know for sure you've got everyone home, and have a special family dinner night.
So we are about to host another Baby Dedication. It's a wonderful celebration where we, as a church family, stand up and say that we'll stand by the parents in encouraging, equipping and supporting them as they direct the spiritual life of their young child....
And then we don't connect with them - as a family, in our church family - until the child is ready to be baptized. Sometime about 10 years in the future!
What about all the milestones in between? How can we possibly keep our promises if we don't invite families to gather again at various times during their child's spiritual journey? What about worshiping together, learning about communion, serving, giving, discovering spiritual gifts?
The first step toward partnering with parents is to fill in the blanks by developing some shared spiritual experiences for parents and kids: Family Worship Services Family Bible Study and Small Groups Family Dinners
And connect them with resources ... and create avenues where we can check back in with families and find out how they are doing.
So then, we as the extended family, can truly celebrate baptism knowing the joy of planting seeds along the spiritual pathways in each child's life.
How do we reach the heart of boys? Being a girl, I don't know the answer. I like talking, and reading and crafts. Ewwey stuff if you are a boy. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b9/Stilts_fishermen_Sri_Lanka_02.jpg/75px-Stilts_fishermen_Sri_Lanka_02.jpg But I think it's action, motion, adventure that drives them. As in a fishing trip. Then I look at the disiples ... all MEN I might add ... and there sure was a heck of a lot of fishing going on. And outdoor dining, and hiking, and eating. So maybe we take our cues from the ancients, and reach our boys this way. And maybe that's the way to get men to reach boys.
It's looking like there may be some fishing expeditions in the offing for our boys, and I pray that God meets each and everyone of these boys - however mature they may be - through the interaction with nature, motors and each other.
This Sunday I spoke briefly on Psalm 78. Specifically, this statement really struck me:
"We will not hide them (God's teachings) from their children, we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord; his power, and the wonders he has done."
I kept coming back to the word hide. It reminded me of the story of the disciples attempting to keep the little children from coming to Jesus. (Mark 10:13)
What are we hiding from our children? Surely it is not the stories of old, the stories of the bible heroes. Certainly not! We bring them to church, we read Bible stories to them, we pray with them.
But how often do we truly invite children, messy, loud, silly children into our time with the Lord? How often do we invite them to pray for us? And even more so, how often do we share with them the stories of the miracles that God has done in our own lives? Not very often.
So what are we hiding? And why? In order for us to share what God has done for us, we must humble ourselves and admit that we are not perfect. For in our imperfection, that is where God can show forth his power. And what an injustice it is to hide these amazing stories from our children. Our imperfect children in our imperfect households. God is perfect, he reigns supreme and our lives are a testimony to his greatness. He is working in us to grow us into his likeness, in just the same way that he is working in the hearts and lives of the next generation.
Throughout the bible, children are there in the midst of God's people, struggling along with the masses. Children saw their parents make the choice to wander, worship idols, etc. They were enslaved in Egypt, they crossed the Red Sea. They heard Moses give the 10 commandments and they helped Nehemiah rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
I invite you to join me as we explore ways that our faith journeys can cross with those of the younger generation.
Yes, that’s right. Grace parents, I want you to work me out of a job as the director of children’s ministry. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got work to do. But God has placed you as a parent in a matchless position to be the children’s minister and primary spiritual role model for your children.
And research has proven what we claim to know – that God is always right. Mothers (with fathers a close second) are the primary and most lasting influencers of both boys and girls. And Sunday School is only a quarter of the spiritual influence on children.
Significant Religious Influences (Search Institute Survey of 250,000 teens)
MaleFemale
Mother 81% 74%
Father 61% 50%
Pastor 57% 44%
Grandparent 30% 29%
Sunday School 26% 25%
Youth Group 24% 26%
So let’s see what God has to say about the matter.
Psalm 78:5-7
3 what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. 5 He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, 6 so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. 7 Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [a]56 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
While these may be a familiar scriptures - and no doubt the best overall mission statement for families - it may leave you asking yourself, “what does that mean for me?” Personally, my first reaction would be to run screaming through the streets – “Do you mean I’ve got to do devotions with my kids all day long?!!! And then, “How can I possibly compete with the pastor and youth leaders in teaching these spiritual principals to my kids?!?!!!” I’ve got news for you. God says it doesn’t have to be that complicated!
Repeatedly, the Israelite parents were told to have an answer when they asked them about spiritual matters. Read on where the following verses show God’s vision for what it looks like to live out Deuteronomy 6: for their children.
Deuteronomy 6:20-25
20 In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" 21tell him: "We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt22 Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous signs and wonders—great and terrible—upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. 23 But he brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers. 24 The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. 25 And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God - as he has commanded us - that will be our righteousness." with a mighty hand.
Exodus 12:25-27
25 When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. 26 And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' 27 then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.'
Exodus 13:14-15
14 "In days to come, when your son asks you, 'What does this mean?' say to him, 'With a mighty hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the LORD killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal. This is why I sacrifice to the LORD the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.'
Joshua 4:4-7
4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, 5 and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, 6 to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' 7tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
So, what do we learn from these scriptures? As children experience God in the midst of their lives and observe their parent’s expressions of faith, they become curious about what it all means. They ask questions. And parents answer them with what they know.
It seems that God’s divine formula for spiritual parenting is:
A. Kids ask
B. Parents tell
Once again, experience bears out the truth of God wisdom. Children are more eager and receptive to learn when they are seeking an answer to a question and are intellectually driven by curiosity. So, simple, right?
Now let’s not forget this subject of my job description. Look at the mission statement of the Children’s Ministry at Grace, and this is where my role becomes crystal clear:
Partnering with parents to disciple children to become fully-devoted followers of Jesus Christ
It seems to me that in order to truly raise-up kids at Grace who are sold-out for Christ, my emphasis - our emphasis - needs to change from solely equipping kids, to including partnering with parents as you equip your kids. And that’s a BIG jump…a leap of faith for all of us, you might say.
So how and when do we make that leap? What needs to change and what needs to be developed? If you are interested helping create a game plan for how best to equip and support parents in their role as the spiritual leaders for their kids, I’d like to invite you to join a think tank (of sorts). Let’s work together to make an eternal impact in the life of children.
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